Monday, March 19, 2012

Time to let them go

I think one of the most difficult things to do as a parent is to let go. As a  parent we want to see our children grow up and live their own lives, but we all have our own ideas of how their lives should go. Some parents are more vocal about it than others, but we all do it. Maybe we think we know the best career path they should take, when they should or shouldn't get married or have children, where they should live, what kind of relationships they should have, the list goes on and on. As parents, we need to remind ourselves that part of growing up is making your own choices. That can be hard if it isn't a choice we would make. Parents, it is time to back off and let go.
I am guilty of it. I have to remind myself often that as long as my children are healthy and generally happy they are okay. They will find their way just as I did. No matter what path life takes them on I will love them and support them as best I can because they are my children. Once they are adults it is time to let go. They must learn to fly. Maybe they will crash a few times and if so, I will be there to help pick them up and get them back in the air. But I will let them choose the direction they will fly in.
Parents have to respect their children's choices and the right they have as adults to make those choices. Surely that is better than alienating them for the rest of your life. It is not easy - it is necessary. Certainly in their late teens and early adulthood you should guide them in planning their future. They need to understand about bills, insurance, emergency money and retirement planning at an early age. Talk with them about these (hopefully before they are adults) and then let it rest. But, once they have made major life decisions, don't spend all of your precious time with them trying to change their mind. Respect their right to be adults. Continue to enjoy your time with them, not dread it. I am going to work on letting go gracefully. It is hard, but it is what I have tried to prepare them for all of their youth. I will do what I can to help them without trying to control them. I know they will learn to soar.

The Momma